While doing her A-levels my daughter was taught that sport was physical exertion that produced adrenaline and made the heart beat faster, bla bla bla.
I told her that was rubbish but she insisted examiners knew better.
What? Yes, she passed, but that does not mean the examiners know what they’re talking about.
Neither does the Inland Revenue, which decrees because pigeon racing is not classed as a sport lofts are not entitled to rates relief. Indeed, fanciers should be paying business rates. These people know nowt.
Of course homing is a sport, even though the only cardiovascular benefits are in mucking out the lofts and that flutter in the chest when your bird comes home early and you know you’ll be in with a shout of the pool money.
Just because the birds don’t parade in lycra shorts and a headband or appear on the telly saying “at the end of the day I’ll always give 110%, Brian”, tax collectors and councils think they are not part of a sport.
But these birds are in a race, just like grey- hounds and horses. A race is sport, isn’t it?
The problem with the GCSE definition was it never included the word ‘competitive’, especially linked with the word pastime or profession.
Darts, dominoes, even chess, are all sports if played competitively in an organised league or knockout yet none has health benefits. Athletics is a sport, but going for a jog ain’t. What that is, is going for a jog and if that’s sport, then so is strolling.
Neither is playing tiddlywinks with the kids sport, unless it is part of a tournament under the auspices of the English Tiddlywink Association, when it definitely is. What’s more, pigeons suffer for their sport far more than are our preening and strutting footballers.
Their motivation is desperation. For instance, a cock bird getting all hot under the feathers as he sees a hen looking like she is game will justifiably consider himself on promise.
Just as he is saying to himself “this is it lad, you’ve pulled”, he is picked up, shoved in a basket and driven 200 sodding miles.
He is entitled to think: “What the heck’s going on here?”
But instead he spends the journey craning his neck to see out of the window learning the landmarks for the quickest trip back. Well, how else do they do it?
He applies himself 110% to being a winner. Now that’s what sport is all about.
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